Demanding me!

Sometimes I think I am too much, too sensitive (well, darling said "hyper").....but that's not too much when you love someone deeply right? Oh, maybe I expect too much? Funny, we need to be grounded always...again and again because human take things for granted when someone is nice to you. I agree.

But, no matter what, I love him.

Miss You

I miss him....and I miss everyone at home.

Romantic Dinner

Yesterday, had romantic candlelight dinner with darling at the revolving restaurant. He is so sweet, dedicated the bday song to me by the singer there. Remind me of "Hanana" song dedicated by KLCC Philharmonic band to me last year at Suria KLCC for my bday.

Sakit perut nak mampus lepas makan...went to toilet so many times...hahahah...pity darling, car kena from behind. My fault...asking him to drop me at the toilet.

Took the risk to talk to Cindy - the sweet baby face lady who stayed in Miharja last time. She's pregnant again, the 3rd one. Wow, didnt know she's so friendly and talkative...i have been looking forward to talk to her since 2001...and it happened today. That is what unexpected when u dare to take the risk.

and oh, ah soo gave me a kiss yesterday. aiyoooooooo.....aku pengsan.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday to me....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Dearest the bintulu darlings gave me recipe...:) So sweet of them...and my dear friends treat me dinner last nite at strawberry field. Darling gave me a very beautiful diamond pendant...my heart pumping so fast when I saw the box "tomei". hahahahah....and wow. I got beautiful white lilies from Mangai. Its so beautiful, just like me, white, pure, bright and beautiful. :)

Going to have a romantic dinner tonite. But, surprisingly, i still wanna go to the gym 1st. wow!

SL Bro is so sweet. He waited with soo this morning to fetch me to lrt, and he was with me. He is so gentleman. Really really really nice bro-in-law. He really take care of me.

Darling asked me again last nite. I know the answer...but i still want to hear something special about me. ye la...must be 100% sure. Waiting...

Surprise Call

I received a surprise call yesterday evening from Suhaizal, my advance buddy. He has been MIA for more than 2 years, dunno where he has been up to, not picking up call or sms...well, he did, but not as often as he did. Was surprise he said wanna have lunch with me to today! All the way from Sunway to KLCC....

Jeff said, I looked gorgeous on Sunday basic graduation.That is one of my favourite dress. Beautiful, simple yet elegant...Right darling?

Today, going to be my 2nd Pilates class. Just cant wait! I wanna take the steam bath after that. Not bad...can sweat while taking bath.

Chee Wei sms-ed me many times yesterday.I dont know whether this guy saja wanna kacau or he is serious. He has been telling me since Form Six, that he always wanted both Chin and me, his dream is to kahwin dua .(oh ya right. not me definately. I CAN'T share my husband with another woman PLEASE! Its either me or her). I wont hesitate to go if i ever find out there's another woman.My stand is always clear on this, with or without children. Anyway, back to CW, i forgot to tell darling about this. Guess I am so into talking to darling, that i forgot about the little things I wanna share. Again, CW said, (he has been saying this since 1996) that Chin and I have the same type of temper. In fact, people always thought we are sisters last time, when I was still wearing spectacles out.

Right now, my mind is not at work.I am so tired of working....ah, i need a break. Wanna go back to AS as soon as I can!

Where Is The Love?

Where Is The Love? (Black Eyed Peas)

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin
'In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK

But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Badness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Nigga, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above'
Cause people got me, got me questionin
'Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love

Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above'
Cause people got me, got me questionin'

Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' in the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above'
Cause people got me, got me questionin'

Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)

Party

Last Saturday is iPerintis Annual Dinner. Wow, I like the Flinstone. He dare to come with bright orange with his big tummy! Was fun seeing so many people dressing up with the rented costume! I feel from the chair, so embarassing. Azizul punya pasal la...pergi tarik kerusi bila aku duduk. Malu giler, dah ler saree aku terbukak. Aduh.

Sunday- Met up with Joo Lee & the geng. She's sweet. And then we went to basic graduation. I am there for Clement, definately. Read the letter from Eric to me. He still doesnt get it. Asking me to face up??? Face up what? Face up that he is my friend? huh? Stupid! and said he will not call me that often anymore. Hello! I didnt want to talk to you at all la! Some people are just taking advantage of their blindness. Please!!

Wadzir's sister (Siti) was shot dead on Saturday in front of Giant in Batu Caves. It so sad. It was in yesterday's newspaper. Really sad seeing people are killing..there's so many people who were shot dead recently and rape is everywhere. Where's the heart? I dont even kill the rat in my house. Just trap him and let him go. What happen to this world? Black Eyed Peas- Where Is Love? touches my heart. "People killing, people dying".

WHEN YOU BELIEVE!!!

Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seemed like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full, I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don't always happen when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way clear through the rain
A small, but still, resilient voice
Says help is very near

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

The Truth Is Out There!

Finally, The Truth Is Out There.

Yesterday, Sook Yee told me the thing that hurt her the most in the relationship. I got a shocked. It happened to me as well, and that was the ROOT cause of all the trust issue I had all these while. I cant take it, if ever, I found my partner had relationship, one-nite-stand somewhere out there. NO, not ANY woman. I know. Unless that woman is involved as well la!What else.

I had a very open conversation with darling last evening. Of course, it took so much guts from me to open up the question and it turned out good! We both hate abortion. It's killing. I just cant understand why do these people are so so so selfish and greedy. They asked for it, and they kill another HUMAN for their own pleasure. Oh mine!

I know exactly where I am heading to right now. And I know my decision on what I want in relationship, who I want is so clear. It is so definate. I have really clear the root of the jealousy, the root of the uneasiness.

Again, its not about controlling....its taking charge. You can never control anyone except yourself and how you think. Dont you think so?

Darling, I love you.

My 1st Pilates Class

Yesterday was a wow! i joined my very first gym classes. Its Pilates, by Lisa. Met Jane, such a sweet and caring lady. She was right in front of me,when we were lining up taking our passes to enter Menara Maxis. She told me so much words of encouragement. I will join this class, every Tuesday, as often as I can. It was good, although I didnt sweat in this 1st class, I am very satisfied coz I have muscle pain all over my stomach today. That's good!

When You Are Lost....

Sook Yee told me today....I have a few questions in my mind now.

Are you able to love again, when you destroy the trust? It take years to built a strong trust, and it can destroy in a second.You choose where you wanna be....where you wanna go.

I truly believe loving oneself is so important now. You are complete as a person. You share your completeness with you partner. Wow, I like that. That's what Mangai read to me from the Conversation With God book.

I want SY to be strong. I know she is! I have gone through this.

I Love My Senior!

I had lunch with Clement today. It was a spontenous arrangement. He called me yesterday, to be in the registration team. I couldnt make it. Definately due to work commitment or shall I say, I would prefer to be at work and taking a 1/2 day leave?

He is the coolest and moderator person I have ever met (besides my parents of course!). I told him about my view....Clement says, I am lack of leadership in my own life/relationship life. Its about leadership, not controlling. Its about taking action and be who you wanna be. Be, Do, Have. And this is the result I have.

He jokingly said why I didnt tell him my ups and downs when he is avaible for me everytime. I said, bcoz Mangai will understand (agree with my bullshit)....hahahahha....my senior. You are so cool! No mangai, I am just joking ok!

(as if they are reading this).

Still feeling headache.I think its due to the flu medicine I took. I am so sleepy the whole day. Will try out my very first lesson on Pilate class later (if I get a chance to be in the queue of 20 ppl). Tracey (the PT trainer) said there will be lots of ppl queueing up.

Just love my senior!

Sleepy

Finally went to visit that "bitch" doctor. She is so fierce everytime I visited her...but not yesterday. Surprisingly!

Didnt have enough rest (still!) and now I am so sleepy despite sleeping for so long. Guess I have slept too much!

Darling asked me whether I wanna moved to his house....I dont know. I need freedom to sleep! Freedom to go out and in whenever I want to. In other words, I am not ready for this commitment perhaps?

Soo sms-ed me. Ivan moving out. That fella! I have already told him, to give a one month notice, now he's giving me less than a week notice! Stupid. He asked me how last nite, I said "see how-lah".

Evening - we stopped at Asiaworks to pass money to Pat. Kenny was there, didnt talk to him much. I have nothing to say to him. Darling talked to him, I felt uncomfortable. Slept at 10pm, wake up at 7am,and now still zzzzzzzz.....not sure whether i should go to the gym today..

Wake up sleepy head!

Oh Man!

I feel so dizzy now. Had a flu, sorethroat and feeling easy.My bones ache. Should I go and visit the doc? Have been thinking since this morning.I slept almost 24-5=19 hours yesterday!

Friday evening was scary.Mangai did not turn up for as promised at 7.30pm. Its just not her. She will normally pick up my call or sms if she's late. Was so afraid and we went to look for her car in Asiaworks car park & looked for her house.Waited for her in lrt Asia Jaya at 10.30pm, she came down from the staircase, looking so exhausted. We played games (Happy Family & Snap). The last time I played this was in Standard 5 I think!

On Saturday, I went to my darling's company annual dinner. It was fun playing the game. I got no.2,won a Maxis stater pack. I have already had 4 sim cards now. :)

Never thought I will be invited to stage as the finalist for "best dress". I wore the beautiful blue saree bought in New Delhi while darling was working there.

Sometimes, I need so much attention from him that I cant afford to be ignored.

Trust

Today, I decided to create my own blog. Finally.

Have been reading "the-jamie" almost everyday.She inspired me. I know her, her husband & daughter, but she doesnt know I have been reading her postings almost everyday.Reason being, I think she has a point and a level of swing moods as I am. I can feel her when she was in pain & hurt. When she is happy.But I am not married, so I do not know the feelings of having a kid.

My life is filled with the challenges to trust people. It seems that it never ends. The book "Conversation With God" says, the more you want it, the more the opposite (challenges) will come to you. And I can understand why. May I have the strenght to become stronger!
Never ever have a doubt on the person you loved most.It will haunt you.It will control you.

Just keep believing and trusting.