SOMETHING, only love can do for me

:(

2010-10-24T17:15:00.001+08:00

I have been very down for weeks...

I just wanna go back home ......................................
Miss mommy so so so much...

So Sad For Joe

2010-10-24T17:12:00.002+08:00

Teng Zhen Joe, a five-year-old boy that I really have so much love for..... passed away yesterday. He is the son of a mom that I got to know in hospital.

My heart torned into pieces when i saw the sms from his mom yesterday. She is so strong! I called her just now for direction to joe's funeral and she said she is ok, sounded ok. Perhaps she has prepared for this, when Dr Chong told her 3 weeks ago to "give up".

I last saw Joe about 2 weeks ago and he looks so blue...

Lost of words but I want to put this down for Joe - a fighter since he was born.

Funny, until today, docs cant determine what's wrong with him - at both SJMC and PPUM.

Joe, now that u rest in peace.... you do not suffer anymore.

Love you lots. Amitabha...

11th Aug 2010 - A Perfect Day

2010-08-13T12:44:00.001+08:00

11th Aug 2010 , I was informed by the doctors that Jian is in complete remission. Complete at the cell level!

Previously they already told me he's in remission but I want complete remission with a perfect MRD (minimal residual disease where bone marrow sample of blood is taken and check under microscope for every 10000 cells - repeatedly to confirm there is no more blasts exist in one's bone marrow done in NUS Spore)

And Prof Hany told me there is no more chromosome rearrangement detected as all blasts cant be detected = no transplant required!

This is the news I have been waiting for!!
THANK GOD!! God answer my prayers!!

A Smart Baby and his stupid mom

2010-08-13T12:41:00.002+08:00

This morning, I was damn sleepy. Baby Jian went down the bed and took wet tissue and came back to me by pulling my hair - so hard. It was so hard that i beat his hand 3 times hardly. Jian rubbed his palm bcoz its so painful but he didnt cry.

Then I smell something - opps... pass motion.

Isnt Jian so smart?? taking wet tissue so that mummy doesnt have to walk out her bed to clean up for me? I am just one stupid mom who sleeps till late morning and beat the innocent boy.

I hate myself!

Baby JJ news in bernama last year

2010-02-01T16:21:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday to the love of my life

2010-02-01T10:43:00.002+08:00

You Love Me...

I love you

We met exactly 1 year now my baby...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST HANDSOME BABY IN THE WORLD. I LOVE YOU!!!

You light up my life

Miracle again!

2010-01-22T15:27:00.000+08:00

I always believe in miracle... DO YOU?

It happens again and again, miracle that I dont believe myself to something I strongly believe it will happen.

Today, I receive superb news that will change my life again in career line.I am happy! God is fair!

You see, life changes. Dont think you are the superior than the rest of us.You think you are the expert.. and without you we die.NO! YOU ARE WRONG! AGAIN, it was proven you are wrong!ACCEPT IT!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today, I cant wait to go home to be with my precious.

His previous hospitalisation made me realised so many things that I can never get. Simple things like playing with you, makes me happy.

Last night when I reached home after you, your smile make me happy.I LOVE YOU BABY!

Fine, Pretender!

2009-11-30T10:37:00.002+08:00

I hate you to the max.
I dont know what is your issue, why do you have to show your temper.
You are a pretender for sure. Look at how you talk to the bosses and how you talk to me - 2 different thing.

You may hate me, but I hate you even more.
AND I DONT CARE.

You think that you are cute? trying to be cute... it didnt work.
You think you are smart? trying to use other people to make u smart- yes you are.

I HATE YOU BABI.

My Baby

2009-11-17T10:02:00.002+08:00

You warm my heart when I see you

whether you are smiling or crying

I love you... my precious baby

I wanna be with you all the time... you are the most precious gift!

:-*

Um Mane Padme Hum

2009-11-04T10:16:00.000+08:00

Sien Chik, Poh-Pi Lu Peng An.

I am Sorry not to be there with you

2009-11-03T09:26:00.002+08:00

Last nite, I got a missed call from papa. Then I saw the sms...

Sien chik (papa's youngest brother) passed away suddenly after he fell in the bathroom. It make me think twice, why I ignore him all these while, why dont i talk to him more than I should..... he spent 2 days to build that little hut for me, before my wedding as present. Altho the hut cant be taken away, but he built it himself using bamboo. he has no money but never fail to give me angpow every year during CNY until i am married. but i never give him back.

I am sorry I am not there for you when u needed us the most. I am sorry I am not able to be at your funeral tomorrow. I am sorry.

May you rest in peace sien chik... amitabha.

Make me think that my only wish now is I can go back to AS for long long long time... and be with family.

Mixed Feelings

2009-10-14T09:12:00.004+08:00

I am now filled with lots of feelings.
Happy - to see my dearest JJ has grown up... see his naughty faces..

Sad - to hear the news of JJ's cousin

Sad - to think of papa alone in Asetar, without us

Sien - with workload and some people who are kiasu, kiasi

Angry - ppl never respect us, and I have to accomodate to your command? Who do u think you are ? Do you know what is privacy? What is respect? What make you think you are above me? Stupid

Happy - going to see SY and shopping this friday with 7ee!

So now I am going to focus on my JJ and shopping shopping shopping! Life will be great then.

My dearest precious

2009-08-14T09:31:00.003+08:00

Here are my two little precious. My dearest babies niece and my dearest son JJ. Today for the first time, I went to her kindergarden, she hugged me - so cute!!

Has been such a long time I never updated this blog - from the moment I discovered I am pregnant and now baby JJ is 6 months + already.. hehehe... I LOVE YOU!

Due in 6 days

2009-01-25T23:14:00.001+08:00

This is the first year i am not celebrating CNY in Asetar. This is for baby, who will due in 6 days...

next month

2008-12-09T21:05:00.002+08:00

Wow, it has been ages since I last update my own blog. Thanks to blocking this url in the company and also the lazy me to bring back my laptop.

I have 1 more month to go...before the BIG BIG BIG DATE. Ok, if you dont know yet, I am now 8 months + pregnant with my 1st baby. It sounds scary to me too...I dont know what to expect and scared of what I know I should expect!

I am very happy with my job now - its ok to block blogspot.com... I am very happy although I just finish working minutes ago. Its fine, satisfaction that counts!

Update

2008-07-26T17:40:00.002+08:00

I just came back from having a fun watching Sex and The City with Lydia at Sunway Pyramid. Its a good catch up after so long.

Live has changed now for now I am working in another company after 3 months and I am quite happy about it. Looks like it is a place for the next few years for me again.

I will post another news which I have been keeping sometime much later...guess its not the time yet.

Its Miracle

2008-06-18T15:23:00.001+08:00

Miracle happens...and you wont know when.
I believe in miracles...thank you for this wonderful special gift which I have been waiting for , for so long. I am so blessed! I know mummy helped me ...

Life is full of beautiful moments when you believe

Today is mummy's chinese bday

2008-06-18T15:13:00.002+08:00

Last year, its just another day to pass by. Didnt I know, 6 days from this date (chinese calendar), mummy is gone forever from my eyesight. Today is mummy's bday. Happy birthday to you. I want to love you as how you are. :-* I love you.

Next tuesday is her 1 year passing anniversary. time flies....

I am ready

2008-06-10T14:58:00.002+08:00

The more I thought of things, the more i am sure there is nothing else I want in this world. I told Shan today, that I am working just enough to complete a comfortable life while I am still here, but I dont want to work like cow at nites and weekends to earn that extra money.

Seems like I am ready....

Impact

2008-06-10T10:09:00.002+08:00

Hey Bitch!

You know what? Last nite, I woke up 3 times, coz I had 3 different dreams, and in all the dreams, I had arguement with you. I scolded you back kaw-kaw. You know that? See, how big your impact on my subconcious mind. Love you so much for adding spices in my life.

Another thing, after next week, i dont have to see your tu-bin again.

Lyd, if you are wondering what is tu-bin, its in hokkien. (muka babi)

FO!

2008-06-09T16:02:00.003+08:00

It is not easy to be PM - as always. This time, I hit with the worst user - and it is enough!! I think you are too much !!

Thank you very much for the words of encouragement. You made me realised, I have more patience than I thought, I have more justice I always fight for, I do what is right, I stand for integrity and I act fairly and I protect my staff. Thanks again. Today, I suddenly realised that I have more power than what I thought I dont, and I do the right thing - whether YOU like it or not BITCH!

Now, get out from my life! For the first time in my blog, i am going to say "Fuck Off"!!

Blardy Goverment

2008-06-05T10:04:00.003+08:00

It took me 3 hours to get home yesterday, thanks to Mr Pak Lah! So damn geram with the traffic!!!! I have no choice but to follow the flow coz everyone turned into the petrol station and when I reached home at 10pm, the traffic in front of the house is also crazy. took me 10-15minutes just to reverse the car and parked properly inside the house. there was a chaos in motorola cable bridge bcoz selfish drivers just ignore the traffic light!! damn pissed last nite!

The Happiest Moment In My Life When I Have You

2008-05-29T11:41:00.005+08:00

See, my smiling face because I have you Mummy, Papa, Darling, Tylia and everyone - a complete family. :D

I Miss You Dearly Until Today

2008-05-29T11:32:00.002+08:00

I miss you so much that I was crying to be with you. Mummy, please allow me to be with you. I am ready to go...the only thing that hold me on, is I want papa to be happy as well.

Life to me, is nothing with you and papa. Nothing!! All the things I have and looking for is just to complete the life while I am still breathing here. Chasing for money and getting a house do not guarantee any happiness to me. Luckily darling is around to be with me, whenever I am in that emotion, but he was not with me last nite and the weeks before that.

Seriously, there is nothing I want to chase for, now. I will take 1 week break in between switching of jobs, no matter when is my last day.

~~~~May you rest in peace Mummy~~~~~~ Namo amitabha~~~~~~~

When Was The Last Time You Had Your First Time?

2008-05-22T17:58:00.003+08:00

The first time I resigned from that popular IT local firm, it was hard coz I was there for almost 7.5 years. It took me about a year to reconsider and reconsider.

Now, after I left in March and joining new place in less than 3 months, I resigned again. Guess its not hard to do it anymore this time. Its always the hardest at the first time.

When was the last time you had your first time?

Big Dilemma

2008-05-09T11:37:00.002+08:00

Yea... I was sad that I might have chosen the wrong place to build up my career...in the last 2 days , i found excitement.

Now I got another good offer from another employer - which I am excited to take. Should I?

How how how???

I am the luckiest person on earth. :)

New Record of myself

2008-04-28T10:13:00.002+08:00

This morning, I woke up at 6am, and worked out in the gym at 6.30am. What an achievement! and what double the joy was I didnt feel the weird feeling I hard last time when I worked out in the morning at 8am in Subang gym. :D

Now I am hungry...

Last weekend, paid the booking fee for our new house. Asked her whether she has any lawyer to recommend. What a coincidence that Jasmine took out Kenny's co's name card. The world is so small isnt it? very very small!

At nite, attended darling's company annual dinner. Had a good one until I beh syiok with that no-respect-for-me feeling .... *sigh* anyway, suan-lah. I am tired to talk about it.

Oh, we finally found our heaven!

2008-04-23T09:58:00.003+08:00

Last nite, everyone has agreed that this will be the one - so we have confirmed buying our own micasa of heaven! Oh, I love this house so much and darling loves it too...and tiya loves it too...tiya's home!

I am so happy i can have my own space !

There can be miracles....when you believe.....

Another 30cents

2008-04-16T18:09:00.002+08:00

Last week, the government announced increased of flour price with a promise no increase in hawker's food - my FOOT!

2 days later, all the noodles i eat increased from RM 3.50 to RM 3.80 per bowl at hawker's.

In Turkey, darling told me there's 2 times adjustment to the salary per year - one for promotion, another one for inflation. See...they also know how to manage the $$$....

bodoh punya orang!

Another pervert old uncle!

2008-04-11T11:41:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I was molested by an uncle at coffee shop during dinner - AGAIN!!

I was queueing up with darling to take mixed rice - then suddenly darling just went to book a place while I was holding 2 plates of rice. Then I put one of the plates on top of the dishes tray and it dropped into the tray.

Out of no where, one uncle dressed in working clothes came to me and asked in English "You need help?" and i said NVM. he then touched my hand and usap-usap it. Celaka babi!

I went to darling and told him, and he was very angry. Suddenly all the imagination came, what if he beat up that man, what if that man had his gang sitting at one of the tables, what if he threw a chair and all the news would be in the newspaper. SHIT! I told him settled already.

Darling asked me why I was still angry when I said its settled? huhuhu....memang lelaki sial!

Dunno why I always kena from uncles....pervert!

Its All About Enrollment

2008-04-10T10:06:00.001+08:00

I feel tired everytime I hear her voice explaining something simple to someone , in her manner - and I thought I was just tired today. But oh no...its all about enrollment. When Sandy presented, I love it so much and she is my idol.

I promise that I will definitely improve on my presentation skills...and I love to present. After all, I have been doing that all these while since school days from forum, debate to head prefect of the school :D and I still love it.

......ponder....

2008-04-03T15:15:00.001+08:00

This week, I miss a lot of people - those who are already gone from this world, those who are still here but I dont see them for a long long time. A lot of faces keep running wild in my head...what's wrong?

Stages of Life

2008-04-03T15:11:00.002+08:00

There are times...you need to stop, look and decide
there are times...you need to make the decision now or you will lost it

Many times, I have decided to take my career life to a different stage
but during that many times, a lot of things keep running in my head

I waste too much time thinking of what I should and should not do
I live in the future and history too much
Its think to stop and decide

I am in big dilemma now, whether I should take this life to another stage
Mid-life crisis...hahaha

note:
Today, we are going home. Tomorrow will be the 1st prayer for cheng beng for dearest mummy. Last year, exactly on this date, I was in Amsterdam. Time flies .... and i remember clearly I called her at every new country that I travelled too. I love you so much to let you go...

Mummy, Where Are You Now?

2008-04-01T18:03:00.001+08:00

Mummy, I miss you. Please tell me where you are now.

I have a lot of things to tell you...

* couldn't continue writing coz I am too emotional now*

Own observation and own perception

2008-04-01T10:14:00.003+08:00

Miss A-Big-Scary Eye,

Your voice made me noticing you
You stood out because of your voice
Whether are u really that scary?

You seems to be so busy
Rushing everytime you walk to the pantry
Are you really THAT busy?

Hey, I am bad
For saying this about you
But I have the impression
That you are seeking for THAT
and THAT thing, you knew it very well
and i can read you very well
and i know what you want
just that, dont fake about it
just be real

Do you know that it is tiring to put up that mask everyday my dear friend?
Forgive me for saying this
I just couldnt help myself
So i am telling this to my own diary.

A-new-place...

Quiet, cold and bright
i feel sleepy
with the long hours
please help!

Reflection of Life on April Fool Day

2008-04-01T09:08:00.002+08:00

Hey, today is April Fool day. It has been years since i really looking forward to this particular day. This year, its just another day to me.

I saw Rachel's photos in facebook today. She looks so radiant, happy and cheerful. I keep thinking about the moment when she met with the accident 3 years ago, when I saw her in ICU and she is fighting to breathe. Now, she is such a wonderful girl and getting married in two months time.

I wonder, losing someone so close to me (mummy) has made me realised a lot of things in this world that do not matter anymore at the end of the day. Looking at Rachel, she is like dead and living again - I wonder what's in her mind? I am very sure the family loves her more and she definitely treasure life to the fullest now.

Welcome home my dear Rachel. You are so beautiful.

Sien

2008-03-31T11:55:00.002+08:00

hou sien ah..... really bored ...dunno what to do. Last weekend was a pleasant ones coz i rest well. Had birthday dinner with family members...:)

I can plan, but not for me to control

2008-03-27T09:14:00.004+08:00

Yesterday I plan to go home immediately so that I can have decent dinner with darling at around 7.30pm. Somehow, it was my fault that I forgot to switch off the car light and passed the car to Soo --> and she didnt off it as well coz it was too bright. Ended up we cant start the car... huhuhu...

Reached home 8.30pm, gotta just tapau to eat and went to bed at 10.30pm. At 11pm, heard lots of noises from the house ceiling and suspected another break-in! We were so scared and the noise is on and off ---> at the end after 2 hours, i think there's nothing. I really hope if its mickey, please go away. You are scaring me off. Really. Please...

Beautiful day with beautiful start

2008-03-26T11:41:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, SY and Sue gave me a very beautiful handbag as birthday present. I like so much and its really unique and nice, practical, elegant and sexy. I will definitely snap the photos to upload it here.

Today, its my first assignment at new place, to do sharing session and I think I did it very well. I love myself so much.

I hate CV

2008-03-26T11:40:00.001+08:00

CV, can u stop calling me? Can u stop bugging me? I hated u everytime i see your name on my phone. Leave me alone!!!

Quiet Birthday

2008-03-25T08:39:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, Victor sent me to lrt station - so kind of him otherwise I will be stuck waiting for a taxi - waited for darling at Bangsar , then hop on again to KL Sentral due to the crazy traffic caused by the closure of SMART tunnel.

My dear transport minister, I am telling you again, no point extending the highway anymore or building more tunnels ok! Give us blardy MRT, not lrt! and extend to every 400m of klang valley - cant you learn from our neighbouring countries?? You dont have to travel to Japan or Paris to learn on how to build, but you can just take a coach from puduraya to singapore! stupid!

My dear tylia baby ah mee's and pap pap with ti-ya called me and sang happy bday. Thi-ya and jer jer!

Anyway, darling bought me a red rose, :D and I love it so much and it smells so good. Forgot to snap the picture (coz I dont tell people about this blog). Anyway, we went to Maha Vihara for prayers to Buddha and Mummy and also my birthday wish for this year. We headed to Pizza Hut for my birthday dinner and I got a free birthday ice-cream with pancakes from Pizza Hut. :) (again, no picture of that).

Today, I am going to have another quiet dinner with SY and Sue at Strawberry Field. Hopefully no jam.

I am sleepy bcoz today i reach office at 7.15am , and gotta last my butt on this chair for another 11hours.

Happy Birthday to me!

2008-03-24T10:04:00.002+08:00

Ok, i feel the same. Today i am 31! huhuhu.... 31 years ago, my dear mummy had to go thru pain to bring me out of this world. Today, she's no longer here to celebrate it with me. Last year, mummy asked me what i wanna eat, and i said fishball soup. She cooked for me.

Today, darling and I will go to Maha Vihara to pray for her and to thanked her, for giving me life and soul. I love you!!

My dearest tylia baby also gave me a gift yesterday - her jay jay in the bday card! She's so adorable!

I am settled a little

2008-03-21T09:48:00.001+08:00

I am very happy yesterday knowing that we will get a new place soon...and I dont mind if i have to reduce my shopping for the sake of paying for the house. Yipeeee!!

Tensed

2008-03-18T17:18:00.001+08:00

Currently I am restless again bcoz of the house. Oh, i really hope nothing happen when i reach home later....

I hate driving in Klang Valley!

2008-03-18T08:47:00.002+08:00

I wish i can go back to the days where I took train to work and my house is just next to the train station. Very tense to drive!!!

It has been almost 8 years I am taking train, although I am very pissed off with the late and small coach and constanstly rosak and delayed, but at least i can sleep in the lrt --- opppss...i better reserve that comment coz sometimes the sardine packed made the bau ketiak orang tidak begitu menyenangkan.

Anyway, today is only my 6th day working here, and 3rd time driving, I am already complaining. How long can I bear with it???? Really wish I can stay next to train station and work in places with lrt again. Hopefully in future, darling will be ok to choose a place like that which is also good for him coz I will complain less everyday. hahaha!!

I wanna go home to Kedah and work...and be with papa. He has gastric yesterday and nausea... My heart says I wanna go home and stay with him.

I dont respect people like this

2008-03-18T08:43:00.003+08:00

Today, the paper stated that Shahidan did not turn up for the swearing of Perlis MB and he's the only assembly man. What is that man....take a mirror and look at the yourself!

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/3/18/nation/20676879&sec=nation

If this guy was present and he was not chosen, I am sure people will look up at him. He reminded me of the MAVTRAC guy, who told me some notes about Shahidan, who was his unimate (or roomate - something like that). I can't remember the name of this guy...hahaha..

Things Are Always Greener on the other side

2008-03-17T13:43:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, I think being single is better than married. You dont have to do things you dont like to do. Just because you are married, a lot of things are expected by surrounding families.

Today, the house alarm was triggered, it make me a hassle to go home, because I just started work. Luckily boss is kind enough to let me go without taking any leave...

Sometimes, I need darling to back with me. Sometimes, he asked me to do things I dont like.. If you ask me personally, there are things we both don't need to do ...but it comes with responsibility. So, remember, marriage cannot be based on love alone.

Things that I used to have, then I dont have now.... I miss those moments.

Things that I have now, that I wish to have... let's appreciate it.

I am damn tired... of being a human.

New things to seek

2008-03-17T08:57:00.002+08:00

Back to AS on Friday nite. Bus at 11pm, but only came at 12pm - and I slept all the way - not easy to do that in the bus, reached home at 6am and continue sleeping till 10am. Back again yesterday by 10.30am bus to KL but only reach home at 7.45pm - super long journey! Lydia called on Sat evening, I have not heard her voice for such a long time. (1 week is very long)

I am telling myself, i need to seek new purpose in life. I find to challenge and I thought I will in this new company, but things are the same everywhere. But at least I know I dont want to take up what am I facing in the last 2 years anymore....

4th Day at new place

2008-03-13T09:13:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I met another group of colleagues over lunch. I love this group, they are fun and they talk about shopping and how women should and should not behave - which is definitely me, the bitch, has lots of things to say!

Anyway, today will be the last day of orientation and the real working world will start tomorrow. I follow what Zahrul did in his first 6 months....take it or leave it before u are confirmed to save on the notice period.

Today have to wake up at 6am again...so sien! Keep thinking whether its worth to fork out RM22/day just so that I can sleep till 8am.

I am always the taichi master!

2008-03-13T09:09:00.003+08:00

A friend of mine, a university senior who is quite close to me wrote to our (a few friends) facebook that he and a friend are in the midst of writing a proposal to government to address issues and helping the opposition to prioritise issues. So, he asked whether we have any opinion so that he can compiled it.

I responded to him, that the public transport in klang valley should be improved, extend new lines or existing lines to cover more places and use MRT - not LRT to cope with the large amount of citizens. No point keep expanding the roads Mr Samy V.

Today, i read my friend's response to me. He said if i want the country to progress, i have to play a part too (agree) and he asked me to come out with a proposal for him so that he can review. WHAT! Then in the first place, when u send me that message, tell me that u are compiling proposal! Taichi master!! No wonder these type of people can always be at the top management and they can never do work - talk and talk...like the minister.

I am not the kind who is interested in politics but this particular general election result has been a eye opener to me.

New chapter of life

2008-03-12T09:35:00.002+08:00

Today, is my 3rd working day in a new company and I drove for the first time. Damn it! I gotta come in before 7.30am because there is not enough parking space and I have to follow the working hours from 9:00 - 6.30pm. So how? 11 hours in the office.

The first day I joined, things are quite uncomfortable to me. Everything is new...the office is new and new to me. The people are unfamiliar faces, I dont know the trick around, I dont know if there is any hole on the road or walkaway, I dont know where are the switches, who to contact, which button to press to which department, extension line and who are the good ones. I dont know what is the best approach to me make work smart, and I am not familiar with the templates and jargons.

Day 1, I am very lucky to have nice and friendly colleagues around, who are not shy to show me around and tak kedekut ilmu. I remember 12 new names on day one and the jokers who are smart. I know they are smart, because I saw their faces in the quarterly magazine for the outstanding promotions. Out of 160ppl that I can see here, i only saw 2 non-chinese...means everyone is chinese here by accident? or by choice?

Day 2, I get to know a few more people and my neighbours who were on leave when I joined. Victor is the one I talk to the most coz he sat next to me. Sweet and fresh graduate, and friendly.

Today is day 3. I am feeling sleepy because I have to wake up early since the last one week (the HK trip).

Darling will be going to HK again tomorrow. I decided to stay in MP.

Hopefully things are for the better..... and AMN made my day by telling me what he was told by the UEM BOD. I love it, coz he said "talent with looks" - happy sekejap.

Life goes on

2008-03-06T18:24:00.004+08:00

I left the company after serving of 7 years, 4 months 1 day from the day I joined. My dearest friend, soul Lydia faraheeda has been part of me throughout this journey. She wrote about this , and I am so touched.

Now I am in Hongkong...supposed to go back to Alor Setar yesterday after resigned for a short break and also to do prayers for mummy, attend wedding and vote (for the first time!) but gotta change plan because MIL was hospitalised.

We went out at 6am today to catch the 9.25am flight...then took the public bus in Macau to jetty...then ferry for another hour to Kowloon. Reached at 3pm.

I wanted to give something special to Lydia before I left...but ran out of idea what to buy for her coz she's not the shopaholic type...if its me or Phyllis, very easy! can buy anything u can find in the store...

Lydia did an unusual act, the acknowledgement part, which I always avoided. AW have done a lot of that, and I have forgotten how beautiful a pure friendship will be...

Honestly, I didnt feel sad to leave the company but I was so sad to leave behind sincere friends (that includes client) who are always humble regardless of their position. I am so touched by a few PETRONAS' GMs whom I wrote to, that called me personally. I am touched to receive emails from unexpected people... and you know who value you on this very last day.

On my last day, I just want to have private lunch with 2 important best friends I have - Lydia and Sook Yee, unfortunately SY cant make it.

To my dear Lydia, I love you ~ forever~. You have shown me the willpower of working smart, you have shown to me that being a mother, wife and good daughter is always possible with a performance in career, you have shown me how to be patient , you have shown me how to do good presentation slides / proposals/blueprint and even the claim template (hahah....still terpegun). I really want us to work together again in the near future...ok, nanti i kerja kat your kindergarden ok...:P

I nak pergi shopping in HK!!! really hope i can do it. i know i am bad...:P

Farewell Lunch and Gift

2008-02-20T16:12:00.006+08:00

Today, I received a surprise farewell gift from Mr X (he said dont tell his name) . What a surprise gift!! A beautiful key rings from COACH - whoa.....must be expensive. The packaging and presentation is also superb!

The gift from COACH

Beautiful key rings from COACH

Then, I headed to Chilli's KLCC for lunch with the 5 budak itam (as Lydia said it in her blog). It has been a while 5 of us sit together since the meeting with Jieca a few months ago. I am going to miss this bunch of friends who have beautiful hearts and sincere friendship. It is not easy to get 1, apatah lagi 5 or more. I know I will miss them all, and I am also sad that Lydia is left alone....yea, she has others like Kak Pa :) to eat with her I know...but for sure, the kind of bond we have will not be there.

One thing I promise, no dropping tears on my last day on March 4th, 2008. Of course, being here for 7 years 4 months 1 day on my last day, it is something big for me considering this is my longest serving career. Hopefully the road is widely open in front.

Lydia and Soo Hsia (me) in Chilli's KLCC

From left: Asmah, Marlin, Lydia, Soo Hsia, Nadd

I love you guys!!

2-kor-tio (2nd uncle)

2008-02-15T22:01:00.001+08:00

Got the news from Hoon che che that 2-kortio (her father) has diagnosed with 2-3rd stage of lung cancer. The size of the tumour is 4cm, placed in the right side of his lung. It is scary when i heard what he will be facing....and i dropped tears.

Hoon che che and me agree that if we both die....hopefully God allow us to die like how mummy did.....in peace without any diseases/suffering.

May mummy rest in peace.

I love you!

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-15T21:58:00.001+08:00

Yesterday had unexpected dinner at Teapot Cafe - such a nice place in SS2 for valentine's day dinner. Will post pictures here..

Given 2 cupcakes and reminded me of Lydia's daughter and she is so sweet that she called her mummy about the cupcakes when she saw it.

When my heart cant bear with it anymore

2008-02-13T16:50:00.002+08:00

This CNY is the worst CNY. I cried everyday since day 1, and yesterday was the worst.

I am trying to accept the fact mummy is no longer there to celebrate CNY with us... not another big headache come to me.

My MIL is not happy i didnt spent reunion dinner with the family, my sour face in Langkawi trip and i didnt go back kl together with darling on Sunday. How!!! Did I change the plan?? Yes, and u know why?

I am very very tired. I just want to die....and i live on for papa. When is my day??? When when when???

Papa dropped tears during reunion dinner this year - and I know exactly why - which is the main reason i wanna be with him this year.

Please let me be free like a bird.... my wings are stuck in the cage right now. help!!

Dilemma again

2008-01-29T12:13:00.000+08:00

Today, the "not-so-professional-boss" of potential employer ask me to go over to discuss the possible package for me to work there. I am in dilemma, coz I dont really like him during the interview for asking non-professional questions like "do you anyone who can do asset management? do you know anyone who this and that?" go and hire head hunter yourself!! i am here to be interviewed on me! if u ask me AFTER interview, then that's a whole different story. damn, i am thinking of rejecting ...altho the company is just next door.

Met our client GM in the lift - he said i should stay here.... WHAT!!!??? no way!! once i have made up my mind, i wont change it. It took me 3 years to decide, and I know where I want to go. I gotta take the risk - otherwise, who to be challenged?

Yesterday, darling asked me to join him and colleagues to play bowling at times square - damn! i scored 0 in the first few sets...and i hate myself for that. Ah, 2nd time, i should not squeeze myself too hard though.

Pervert

2008-01-28T14:55:00.000+08:00

I walked to temple for lunch today, next to Wisma Central, Jalan Ampang.

Stupid pervert tried to attract my attention by whistling "choot choot choot" at me and he tried to stop me from walking. I didnt even wanna look at him. Stupid!

______________________________________

On the other note, one of my colleagues suddenly passed away at the age of 39. She is survived by hubby and 4 kids ranging from 10months old to 10 years.

I always pitied myself for losing a mother, I am weak, I am sad....I dont have her to depend to...but i cant imagine if I am 10 months old....

:(

Dont Talk To Me Today

2008-01-28T10:50:00.001+08:00

I am in extremely bad mood today. I dont want to talk to anyone, I dont feel like meeting up with anyone and I want to scold practically everyone that I talk to!!

Started with the stupid maybank charging me for another cheque book that I never applied and insisted I do. I asked the officer to produced proof or at least the internet transaction history but she failed to do so!! How on earth will I do that, when I still have 2 books left? Then she came out with the excuses its auto generated by system to replace the new cheque design - so pay me back for the duty stamp i have paid - i demanded - which she said she would, if i return the old ones to her. Fine, I will do that tomorrow.

Then with people potong queue when i try to change new notes, the unnecessary request from colleagues to ask for favour - etc - leave me alone!!! these buggers, cant they just use their brains when they just want easy way to copy mine? Sorry la, I have resigned - so let it be!

Ok, PMS mood or not, leave me alone - bye!

Lunch with 'twin' brother

2008-01-24T16:28:00.000+08:00

Today, I met my "twin" brother for the 1st time, after sms-ing him for almost 4 years - Felix.

I got to know him from Nina girl, whom introduced us in 2004 - we share the same birthday, altho he is 3 years older than me. I also found out, we scored the same result for IQ test (same score!) and we both had the same cradle song - SOMETHING ONLY LOVE CAN DO by jacky cheung! OMG!!!

2008-01-22T16:47:00.000+08:00

Hahaha!!! Denise did this for me - and i dont know how to use photoshop...so this is very messy photo...she wants to change my hairstyle to Marilyn Monroe...hahahaha...tak sesuai!!

Lorry on fire!!

2008-01-22T11:48:00.000+08:00

This morning, for the 1st time in my life, I saw big lorry / trailer on fire in front of Sunway Pyramid heading to NPE.

When we drove passed, the driver was trying to escape. Gosh, it will explode ANYTIME!!! takutnya!!! i still cant get over it, thinking of what happen next. Hopefully no victim.

Public Holiday for KL on Thaipusam!!

2008-01-21T10:58:00.000+08:00

HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!!!!

End of the world

2008-01-21T10:52:00.000+08:00

This morning, I had a dream - that its end of the world. Suddenly there's such a loud noise from the sky, wrapping up...then the earth started to spin and it rained so heavily. i hold on to the rock and I felt so dizzy.

Everything happened and after the earth stopped spinning, i received a call from papa i think calling from US, asking whether it happened in Malaysia and I said yes. Then I looked above the sky, it's so beautiful. I am living in the new earth.

And i was "told" by the scientist that the earth has positioned itself far from 1 timezone - meaning I am 1 hour later than my usual time.

I search in the internet today, from a few websites and found this :

Signs of the End:
•Jerusalem Destroyed
•Great Tribulation
•Great Earthquake
•The Dark Day
•Shooting Stars
•Labor Troubles
•Wars and Commotions
•Unrest and Fear
•Increase of Knowledge
•Violence and Crime
•Moral Degeneracy
•Craze for Pleasure
•Disasters and Famines
•Warning Message
•Spiritualism
•Pride and Selfishness
•Drunkenness and Gluttony
•Desecration of Marriage
•Religious Skeptics

For details, read from...
http://www.bibleprophecytruth.com/JesusChrist/signsoftheendtimes.asp

It is quite scary to think about this, coz there has been a few occasions, where my dreams came true. ie: the plane landed at highway and really happened.

How Long Can She Fight With It?

2008-01-14T17:22:00.000+08:00

On Sat, Hoon che che called, telling us 3kor (3rd aunty - papa's 3rd sister) is in critical condition. Less than 1 year, her husband just passed away. I pitied the children - although they have grown up like me, but its not easy to cope with parents death.

Today, she is still in hospital and I am glad, but how long can she take it?

Huat (the eldest son) has prepared for "her arrival" since Sat, which I think its cruel - but sometimes when i thought about it, its not easy to die in reality.

I suddenly feel relieved that mummy didnt have to suffer until her last moment. For that, I should be thankful to God.

I cannot work in a place....

2008-01-09T12:16:00.001+08:00

I cannot work in a place...
where people do not want to be responsible on their decision
where people will blame others for the wrong decision they have made
for they try to create unnecessary work

I cannot work in a place
that I dont have any more passion
no more life
no more challenges
no more heart to go for the better
no more energy to be proactive

I cannot work in a place
where i am always the victim
thinking i am one
or really being one

I cannot work in a place
where everything must be justified
no enpowerment

I cannot work in a place
where people thought they are the best
they have the best
but they have nothing
but trying to be bodoh sombong

I cannot work in a place
when i wake up every morning
I dont feel like going to work
I hate hearing endless remarks and complaints
yet everyone wanna take the courage to speak out
where are the balls?
show me your magic answer

I cannot work in a place
where i have gone beyond caring

I am looking forward
to leave this place
for better set of mind
for peace
for me to rest

My decision is final
and never had a place for regret
I wanna be myself
and do what I deserve
give what the company deserve
for me, I do get reward

fly soo hsia...fly!

Picture taken from :
http://www.ni-photos.jmcwd.com/white-lilies.jpg

Today

2008-01-07T14:16:00.000+08:00

When I read Nicole's blog today, my heart sank again. When she is seeking for attention unnecessarily, I don't like her blog. Ah, I know its personal choice - I choose what I like too right?

Today, she wrote about her mum , my heart sank. Why on earth I dont have a chance to be prepared for the worst? To have my last words with mummy?

Darling told me over the weekend.... "2008 is new beginning"...Yes, but it will not change the situation no matter what. She would never return . Hopefully when I die, I can see her - and she will be there waiting for me. Selfish I am - but that's the fact. How can I find out the life after death?

I had a wonderful lunch with Sai Pan and Lydia today at Avenue K Kopitiam. Both of them will be one of the closet colleagues I will always get in touch with - just like Sim, Fei and Michael when I left Penang in Nov 2000.

I can't wait for my last day in this blardy place - but at the same time, I am so glad I am here coz I am flying without wings..... :D...counting days...

2007 - A Year to Remember

2008-01-02T15:08:00.000+08:00

I will never forget 2007.

The most memorable is 5th July 2007 12.30pm. Mummy passed away suddenly due to "Congestive Heart Failure due to Cardiogenic Shock" - as stated in the death certificate. Layman term means, heart swollen, it swollen so big that if failed. It started with water in the lung, weak heart. So whenever I heard someone has water retention in the lung, I am scared.

31st March 2007 to (11th April 2007 ) 31st May 2007- My first trip to Europe started with Istanbul, The Netherlands, Belgium, France, then back to Belgium, Netherlands and Istanbul. Also went to Cappadocia, Turkey during the period. Off again to Hongkong from 1st to 6th June 2007.

5th Dec 2007 - I finally resigned from the company I have been working for since 3rd Dec 2000.

May 2008 give me lots of happiness, self-satisfaction, always slim figure, be beautiful and lots of love. I want papa to be happy everyday. I want to be with him. I want to be with darling... and may we able to save enough to get our own space this year.

HAppY NEw YEaR 2008!!

2008-01-01T13:42:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year 2008 to me.

May this year bring me joy.

May this year bring happiness and good health for papa, for everyone at home.

May this year bring us in the family closer, may mummy rest in peace always.

May we be together forever and mummy beside us.

I miss you.

Mr & Mrs Chew

2007-12-27T11:04:00.001+08:00

SH & SY

Darling, me, Mrs and Mr Chew

Newly-wed

My best friend ROM photos...so sweet and handsome couple.

Congrats to SY & Cheanu!

2007-12-26T15:00:00.000+08:00

Hey, today my best friend is officially married! Congrats dear & dear. You both are my dearies.

Darling is kind enough to send me there.

I also received an sms from my ex-housemate, CP, that her dad passed away on Sunday. Due to her confinement, she will not be able to join the funeral - oh what a pity! Her dad had diagnosed with cancer many years ago, while we were staying under the same roof a few years back.

Now, I am super bored in the office - with nothing to do, no bosses around, colleagues on leave and me shopping shopping....enough for this week, coz I have spent almost RM1K last week. Damn, G2000 gave additional 20% further mark down on the pants i just bought 2 days ago. hantu raya.

This Sunday will be our 1st wedding anniversary - but we are not going to be together coz I am going home - hopefully darling change his mind to follow me back so that we can be together. What a surprise that Yiu Chuan's wedding will be the same as mine!

Will post SY & Cheanu's pictures later...

2nd ROM Anniversary

2007-12-20T11:41:00.000+08:00

Today, darling and I are officially / legally married for 2 years!! (Kira actual wedding belum 1 year...

Who on earth will know, that today, instead of happily visiting Maha Vihara Temple again, I will be there to pray for mummy as well?

Orang Pecah Rumah

2007-12-15T09:50:00.000+08:00

This morning, we were awaken by burglar who broke into our house at 4.30am. When darling heard noises downstairs, he peeped and saw the front door was opened!! We were so scared and locked ourselves in the room and I called the police.

That guy ran away when the house alarm was triggered and after 5 minutes, heard our neighbour called us very loud. We went downstairs and police arrived 10mins later.

Damn, he also broke our neighbour's window and luckily his wallet dropped. Celaka punya orang. Luckily we are safe. This is the 3rd attempt - with the 1st attempt berjaya masuk. hantu raya. Went to police station then they came later wanting to snap photos.

Lydia and I

2007-12-07T22:04:00.000+08:00

Lydia and I ....the terrible2

My best friend in office, my soul heart of life, my shoulder to cry on, my full supporter, the one I admire always, the one full of strength, who is always so enthusiatic and high spirit at work - my dear Lydia who has never failed to be with me when I am down.

Throughout the period of working together with her for the past 7 days, she is the reason I stay. She is the reason I am surviving till today. She is the one who make me look things wider and I learnt a lot of things because of her - how to write, how to align (haha!!) , how to do the best slides... A mother of 2, who never let the babies down even in the middle of the night, and full of energy the next day in the office.

Today, we both wear a new baju kurung, and I told her, we must take photos together. For the past 7 years, we only had 2 photos...

Lydia, I am not a public blogger, nor nobody knows my blog coz it was meant for me to write down my feelings. So, this is definitely for you...

I Finally Resigned!

2007-12-07T22:01:00.000+08:00

Yeah...7 years 3 days, that was the exact number of days I have served this company. It is considered very long for a high turnover company!! In fact, its very long even for a company with low turnover!!

I am still confused which one I should choose now -for I have options now! I should have been more daring than this last time!! Last year, exactly at this hour, I plan to do so, and take care of mummy and papa - but I have not guts to do so - its too late now....but I still wanna go.

2 days ago, Justin called, offering additional 20% to me. Why didnt he tell me earlier?

Anyway, its not too late,...tomorrow have some phone calls to do to ensure I make the right choice.

THIS WILL DEFINITELY ADD UP THE COLORS OF MY 2007 UPS AND DOWNS! Another BIG history in making in my life!

Dinner at Souled Out

2007-11-21T23:23:00.003+08:00

Tonite, we had special dinner together. (Ok, I will post up my picture tomorrow coz its in darling's HP).

Just feel like dressing up. Had a great time and great dishes.

:D

Letting Go Is The Best Solution

2007-11-21T23:19:00.000+08:00

Today, 21st November 2007.

I am writing to myself because company has blocked the blogger's website. I should not be accessing this website during office hours, but I just couldn't resist to write only later, and feelings is about now, and I have been delaying writing due to this.

I am very demoralise at work. Rated 1 - 10 (10 being most happy at work, 1 being the lowest), I will rate myself at 1.

I am lucky to have colleague like Lydia (especially) who has been there with me all the time regardless of personal or work. She will be with my force when I fall down deep. Without her, I would have left the company much much earlier, and paid back my scholarship bond.

In another 7 working days, I will be officially serving here for my 7th year. Its time to move on. I am so tired - dealing with the people. I am so tired with the unnecessary stress and headache. It doesnt guarantee I will not face this in another company, but at least I know that I do not want to belong here anymore. Dealing with new stress can be exciting, but not this one - again and again.

Next thursday is Ling's birthday - my 3rd sister. She will be 28 this year. This is her 1st birthday without mummy around. I gotta face it on my next birthday next year too. May she rest in peace and happy. May she be the princess with no more suffering, with a blessing and care from Buddha (or watever the God is after death - I dont know).

Many many times especially in this November, I keep telling her to bring me along. There are times when I do not get along well with mummy, but at least we forgive each other all the time. She's the person I wanna be with always - regardless of situation.

I feel very lonely without her.and why do I have a spirit?

I should have been a stone, or a rock, or a beautiful water running at a waterfall in a deep forest with birds chirping and cool wheather. When there is thunder, I will not be worry. When there is rain, I will flow with the rain. When there is sunshine, I will be flowing according to the sun.

Its time to let go...what I have in this life.

Another Funeral

2007-10-10T10:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, went to Yee Chin's father funeral. I didnt know her dad was diagnose with lung cancer since March this year.

The saddest part is when I saw her mum, changing from a vogue woman to a very old lady full of grey hair in such a short period. She must have gone through a terrible period when she found out her husband had cancer.

CW told me, when his brother passed away, he was already fainted on the floor when his parents woke up in the morning. He never regain conciousness and the cause of the death is tumour as big as 10 X 10 X 8 inch in his lung. He's only about 26.

Gosh, anything can happen in this world.
Whether you are lucky to die immediately or suffer for a while. If I can choose...i want to die in peace like mummy.

So scared, I have been writing about death for a long time.
This Friday, 12th Oct 2007, is mummy's 100th day passing.

Glamour Sekejap

2007-10-10T10:48:00.000+08:00

Ok, saw my photo (in blue cardigan) in KY's blog.
Glamour sekejap la tu.

2007 - A Year of History in my life

2007-10-09T09:51:00.000+08:00

2007, when Jan approached, it sounded like interesting.

Jan 1st, I just got married for 2 days. New hope, new life, new excitement.
This is the year, our Europe dream came true...plus bonus of being in Turkey and Hong Kong.
This is the year, I have been to the most places in my entire life - and the furthest.

This is the year, I lost mummy. and i wish it never happen!!!!!!!!!
This is the year, 3-kor-tiao (3rd uncle) passed away.
This is the year, Chip's mum passed away, Laili's mum passed away, Chee Wei's brother passed away and yesterday, Yee Chin's father passed away.

I have also heard another 4 deaths from SL and darling Colleagues parents.

A year of death??

Scary.

I wish I am always in 2006.
This is also the beginning of number '3' in my life (ok, i am 30).

I wish 2007 will ended now.
This is the turning point year.

What else??? If I have to let go my tour dreams to get back mummy, I WILL DO IT.
Sometimes, I wish that she will call me...
I miss her voice, I miss her.
This Thursday, October 12th 2007, is her 100th day passing.

Mummy, namo amitabha...

I want to resign!

2007-09-28T08:58:00.001+08:00

I want to resign. I want to resign. I want to resign!!!!

I am tired of the nonsense. I am so so tired. I have been here 7 years ok!! Due to the scholarship bond. Now I am free!!!

I WANT TO RESIGN!!!!

FeELiNg FreSH AnD EnERgeTic!

2007-09-26T09:18:00.000+08:00

YEAH!

Today I break the record of my own - waking up at 6am, and work out in the gym in the morning! Although I did not break my personal 200 calarioes record (After carrying weights), I am very satisfied with my body feeling great after workout.

I have put on 3kg since August, and Food is the CULPRIT!

Darling said I am too skinny (What??!) and therefore i just makan and makan and makan watever I like. Time to take a look at my food again.

Well, I am HAPPY, ENERGETIC and Feeling so fresh and relax. Plus now, I am listening to Um Mane Padme Hum chanting - it so soothing.......

You Might Be...a mum...

2007-09-25T16:06:00.000+08:00

I subscribe to Chicken Soup for the Soul daily story through email.
Today, I receive this and it sounds interesting...

Quoted from :

Sep 24, 2007

You Might Be a Mommy If . . .By Leslie Wilson

Every shirt you own has spit-up on the shoulder.
Must-see TV includes Barney, Arthur and Disney Playhouse.
You carry a diaper bag instead of a purse.You analyze babies’ bodily functions with women you just met.

“Sleeping in” is when the clock reads 6:30 a.m.

You never go anywhere without baby wipes.

You sleep with a baby monitor a foot away from your head.

With each subsequent child, you’ve progressed from sterilizing the pacifier to washing it off to blowing on it, invoking the three-second rule.

Your children are better dressed than you.

You used to be known by your first name - now you’re Jordan’s mommy.

You store five sizes of clothes in your closet.

You call your husband on his cell phone in order to have a real conversation with him.

You go to bed at 12:30 a.m. and get up at 5:00 a.m., thankful for the extra sleep.

Excitement means Pampers are on sale.

You consider PBJs and Cheetos a nutritious meal.

You can change from lounging-sweats casual to night-on-the-town glamorous in three-and-a-half minutes.

“Doing lunch” means meeting three friends and their preschoolers at the McDonald’s Playplace.

Hearing the words, “I’m done,” from the bathroom sends chills up your spine.

You own more Disney movies than pairs of shoes.

You can pee with three children watching you - and only two are yours.

You spend more on babysitters than you do on utilities.

If you were trapped for days in your car, you could survive on the Cheerios and french fries on your floorboards.

You can tell what your daughter ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner by looking at the front of her T-shirt.

You willingly hug and kiss a kid who has sticky fingers, sweat-drenched hair and a milk mustache.

You’re overworked, overcommitted and underappreciated - and you wouldn’t trade your life for anything in the world.

WAHHHHHHHHHHH

is this for real?? i think so...Lydia...betul ke?

I dont like you means I dont like you

2007-09-25T09:22:00.000+08:00

Yea, that's my principle - but I will forgive you.
So, don't you hurt me again ...for, i have learnt to forgive.

I dont like you. Did you hear me???
So, dont disturb us.

Spoilt my mood the whole evening.

Again, another one

2007-09-25T09:20:00.000+08:00

Chip's mum passed away this morning at 8am+. I dunno the exact time, but .....

I knew it she wont last long - from what I hear, coz she has the same sympton with mummy. Chest with too much water and difficulty to breathe.

Oh god.

May she and mummy rest in peace, no more suffering.

I am so speechless when i heard about this news, coz I understand his feelings completely. Nothing can replace mother in one's heart.

Deteriorate

2007-09-24T16:16:00.000+08:00

That's the word that scare me off everytime papa went for eye check-up. He has glacouma and cataracts due to diabetes. now doc said it has worsen. Oh gosch. 5% or less? I dont dare to ask. If his vision is less than 5%, how is he supposed to see when he drives at night?

I am lost on how I should do now. Deep inside, I wish I can find a job in AS and stay there with him. I know darling will understand - and he knows priority, and he knows what he always told me - "siao soon".

I am so scared. I only have him now.

Note: Chip is taking a week of as his mum is in critical condition. I support him as this is a right move. Hope she will recover.

My heart sank again

2007-09-21T11:52:00.001+08:00

This morning I heard from Chip that his mum has difficulty breathing. I just sms-ed him and he told me she's on oxygen mask.

WHY, I dont have such chance to do that for mummy?? I am still struggling whether I should be happy that she passed away peacefully or sad.

Obviously, my tears are still so generously drop each time i think of her.
Something, only love can do.

~Namo Amitabha~

Candle To Lit Up My Spirit

2007-09-12T12:57:00.000+08:00

This is a snap shot of a candle can. It was given to me by Sook Yee, in Dec 2003 during Xmas. It was exactly after Kenny wrote the no-ball-email to me. She told me to burn the candle when I am very very down and sad, when I feel there is no more hope and light in this world.

I gave this to mummy, on ther 49th day passing. This is the day the candle was burnt. No one can replace mummy and papa in my life. In my sisters' life. Nobody.

Dear SY, whenever I am down, I always ask myself...is this the end of the world? My answer is always No...until the day mummy passed away. Yes, the world has ended for me... and I know its time to lit up the light.

If i have to pay millions now to get to talk to mummy, I will. If God says that I have the carry her on my shoulder everywhere I go on my right, papa on my left (or the other way round) for the rest of my life, I will. I will do ANYTHING for them. Anything - as long as I am always with them.

Mummy, may you rest in peace - always.

My love for you will never change.

Pissed!

2007-09-04T15:16:00.000+08:00

Damn pissed!! TL!!

My Heritage Look-Alike

2007-08-29T14:53:00.000+08:00

I uploaded two of my pictures today to do the comparison...the celebrity in me. Everytime I try, I will get either Japanese or Thai.... so i look Thai? Of course, coz I have Thai Blood...altho its like so many genarations ago...

And here's the result for today....The same one keep appearing...Aya Matsuura, Kyoko Fukada, Kristin Kreuk...?

Aya Matsuura

Kyoko Fukada...sweet

Some Thai...

Aya Matsuura - ok, I dunno who she is, but Japanese..

Kristin Kreuk

Aishwariya Rai ... :O

Woranuch? Who is that?

Fukada Kyoko

Kyoko Fukada.....so sweet ..wah, twice

Song Hye-Ko

I want to be with Papa like that

2007-08-29T14:46:00.000+08:00

During lunch today with LFA & AMN, an old uncle sat with, I believe, her daughter facing me at Chillis KLCC. I kept looking at them, although not directly, as he, touches my heart deeply.

This uncle ate guava juice, and he has an open conversation with her daughter. Her daughter seems to be very open as well, well-mannered, and I like the kind of relationship they have.

When they left, her daughter passed him an umbrella, which I know exactly why. He can still walk, however, the little support will be good. I want to be with Papa like in the next 30 years. He and I exchanged smiled when he stood up. Such a cool uncle!

- Tempted to snap their photos but i think it will be rude-

During My Funeral

2007-08-29T10:44:00.000+08:00

When I die, I want everything in white, yellow or blue. Black is scary! hahaha!! I mean if all black.... If u think i am crazy writing this, let it be. I just want to write down what I wanna say to myself.

Although i love black, especially suits and jackets, i saw a wedding couple in andy lim's website wearing all black. Look scary man...

Remembering Mummy's kindness

2007-08-28T09:49:00.000+08:00

She has done so much - what else should I say?

Yesterday, suddenly I recall something mummy done for me and us - Which I am not sure whether I will be able to do that for my children in future. If i wanted something so much and I dont buy because its too expensive, she will buy it for me. Clothes, even the keyboard last time. Mummy will, even when she doesnt have enough money. I noticed the way she spent - has been followed by me. :) There are things she wont buy for herself, for the sake for keeping money for her children.

~ Um Mani Padme Hum ~ Um Mani Padme Hum ~Um Mani Padme Hum.~

Some-thing I hate forever

2007-08-28T09:47:00.000+08:00

I hate something eating and munching very loudly!!! As if I dont know that the cookies is crunchy, as if no one knows that the food is so tasty!!

Now I am surrounded by 2 person, who "chap chap chap" the nasi lemak so loudly every morning, then again in the noon with the biscuits. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

49th Day

2007-08-23T15:28:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was mummy's passing for the 49th day. There was a special prayer performed, and a special moment for her again.

I can't hold my tears again when I spoke to her. Although I cant hear her reply, I know she heard me, and heard all of us.

MUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All the feelings I had during her funeral day came back ... I felt the same thing again. It hurts.

Mummy, today, you are in a better place than yesterday, may you be free from all suffering.
~Namo Amitabha~

I AM SO TIRED MENTALLY

2007-08-17T09:52:00.007+08:00

I am so tired mentally everyday, when I walked into this office buidling. So so so tired!!!

So far, in the last few weeks, I am 2nd person in the office after her. Without fail, she will complain about her being underpaid and how tonnes of work are waiting for her. I am so tired of listening to her grumbling and throwing tantrums. I am so tired!

I decided to listen to Om Mane Padme Hum mantra but she keep disturbing.

Why is there so many worries in life? I am really tired of helping people or listening to their problems. Luckily I never opt for becoming counsellor, for last time during school days, I was so excited to be "Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya" in Convent. *phew*

I just want to be alone. Nothing can satisfy oneself...and what can make me happy now is being with family with a peaceful mind, worry free or me going shopping for new clothes. :)

Ah...I better stop here....my mind is so messy now hearing the "pom pom pom" sound of the tantrums early in the morning everyday.

Call logs that I want to keep

2007-08-16T14:42:00.013+08:00

I just want to keep this screen....These are some of my call logs that I talked to mummy. I will never had a chance to call her again, unless she decided to call me. :) Maybe I should venture a business in this line, so that anyone can communicate with their loved ones. I will charge RM1million/min? hehehe....buy 100mins, free 10 mins?

I am so happy today and yesterday, that I found a website, to buy online shopping for dresses in Malaysia at cheaper price. I really thought maybe I should also venture into this business, since I dont need to have a shop, I can go shopping, posing for photos and just surf the internet...work from home. Yea, i would love this!! Then i can call myself businesswoman. (which i never thot of being one).

I am also happy mummy appear in my dream this morning.... :) She is still as lovely as she is, and she care for us and papa. She's so sweet. The sweestest mummy.

Now, everyday, I only thought of what else that I want to do before I die and I am not afraid to die....HC said she read about this in my blog. Yea, I never thought of this before mummy's passing, now I am really thinking about it. After all, life is so short and fragile....

Mummy in lian hua....

2007-08-10T16:04:00.000+08:00

I am now imagining mummy sitting on the flower lilies...lian hua...she is having a peaceful live now.

I LOVE YOU MUMMY!!

I saw mummy

2007-08-08T10:41:00.000+08:00

Today, is mummy's passing exactly on the 5th week. Time flies, but i feel it just happened yesterday. While Rev Ratana performed prayers for her this morning, I keep seeing her when I closed my eyes during the prayers. :-* *hugs*

I saw mummy too at home last weekend - whether they believe it or not - I know she's there. :D

Yesterday, Soo was driving and her car was hit by a fresh graduate who curi using her dad's CRV. This woman did illegal u-turn and instead of pressing the brake, she pressed the accelerator and bang into Soo's car, who then hit another car. Nasib ah dia silap, trying to escape lagi. Estimated repair cost is RM 8K to RM10K coz alignment is gone. Quite bad though as the car cant be opened anymore now. Didnt have the picture with me now.

I Am A Special Woman

2007-08-03T15:06:00.000+08:00

I feel so special today, because I am.

I will always be the great daughter, the great wife, the great woman and friends.

I love myself.